he was a better friend to you than I ever could he remembered more than I ever did It never crossed my mind to be as good I never was as careful as he ever was

I sit and look, observe inside, a failure Undeserved success, Reasons I cannot comprehend, Emotions I cannot express

I live in fear, sickened to the stomach, i swallowed a blade, i cannot talk for it will cut me up

A question that will never have an answer, A problem I don’t ever want to solve, A pain that births creation, A suffering that preserves my soul in a glass dome.

I do not want out, neither further in, I do not want happiness, for I will lose what I have gained, I do not want more suffering, for I will lose myself. I do not want, nor does it want me, to live or to die.

I ask myself rhetorically, why? As they ask me, how? And I like to listen to the silence, To think about the nothingness that’s left to answer.